Parenthood

Often when we think of  "parenting" or "parenthood", we think of young couples with new babies, embarking on the journey of life with children and all that it implies. Magazines with the word Parent in the title are geared to the parenting that occurs during these early busy years. And don't get me wrong, they are busy; too busy sometimes to read the very magazines that are targeted to the young parent population. But I am thinking about parenting as it continues through your children's lives, long after they are no longer considered children by society, but always children in a parent's eyes.

I don't think it is possible to imagine as a young parent, the scope of the job you have embarked upon. It seems  more finite. One stage leads to another until they leave home to begin their own lives and then you are done. Right? Nope. You are never done. The job just gets harder. The saying goes, "Little children, little problems. Big children, big problems." This hints at that the scope of parenting but one can argue, that without problems, then the job is done. I say, it is never done. The worry and responsibility of being a parent extends to every day of your life, conception to death. It just gets more complex as your children get older.

I have no control over the everyday life of my children as I did when they were little. That is liberating in one sense but also a tad scary at times. I can no longer protect them from the things that can hurt them. I can no longer make sure they take care of themselves, eat right, get enough sleep, nourish their minds and their bodies. I have to trust that I have given them the skills they need to do it themselves. I am blessed. My children are smart capable adults. But I am still here in this role of parent, trying to figure out the boundaries and rules of this stage in their and my life. How much do I offer, when do I speak up and what do I say. It gets so much more complicated than the days, of "because I say so, that's why." On those occasions when your children ask for advice or help as adults, oh the leaping of your heart that comes with sharing your thoughts with full measure. Not holding back for fear of going too far.

There is no harder moment as a parent, than watching one of your children in pain; physical or emotional. Every fiber in your body wants to take the pain away, make it your own. It is a powerless feeling of not being able to make it all better. I know full well that emotional pain is a powerful change agent. I have been there myself many times. I know that it is all part of life's journey but I still wish I could spare my children that part of life. No matter how much I know it has to occur, I cannot help but feel worried and helpless on the sidelines.

Parenthood is massive in scale. Maybe it is best that in the beginning, we only see those little stages and milestones and not that whole big picture at once. Easier to celebrate pee pee in the potty than to think of a  job that only gets harder with time and  never ends. Even bigger is to realize that you never want it to.......

Relational Sustainability

Sustainability…….usually this word is used in connection with farming. Growing your food and being able to supply your own needs. I like the thought of that even though it is larger in scale than what I can mange. Food wise, we are making a stab at it with our first attempt at raised bed gardening. I love seeing the vegetables growing and the herbs basking in the spring sun. But that is not really what I have been thinking about. I am thinking more about relational sustainability. Do you have what it takes to go the distance?

No life is without good times and bad. I think back on the last ten years and it seems like we were given more than our share of hardships and trials. I am not sure they are over even yet. But that has been overshadowed by the blessings we have been given. The scale is tipping far more into blessing than grief that is for sure. The birth of sweet Cameron Auburn and all of our wonderful grandsons brings joy to my heart and de-stresses my body, even if for just a little bit. The bigger question is how do we react to this balancing act together…..do we allow it to tear us apart or to strengthen us. Sometimes the answer is not so clear.

It is the highs and lows that seem to increase communication and intimacy but most dangerous of all is the lull in between the two……when life is flowing and seems to take over, washing away precious moments and conversations never had. During these moments, do we fight back and carve out time for what matters most, or do we wait for the next big event to occur? I spent the better part of my early adult life swimming in that sea of neglect. I managed to throw myself a life jacket and seek other waters and I will not drown again. The lessons I learned I want so desperately to pass along to my children and to those who matter to me. Find yourself first and then fiercely protect your time and what matters. First things, first. Don’t let life rip you apart from yourself and don’t let anyone convince you that you don’t matter. Life is hard, we all know that. We all need a port to cling to; family that loves us and helps us survive the bad and celebrate the good. Most importantly, we need to know that we matter; to ourselves first of all and then that we matter to others.

My heart is full today. My task is to keep it that way and never lose sight of what really matters. A reminder to all I love……first things first.