Weekday Waves

My mind is such a different animal on the weekend. It feels clean and clear of clutter...just like the wonderfully salty breeze you get at the beach. I feel as if all things are possible and I am truly present in my life.

Then comes Monday morning. I don't know about you but hearing the alarm at 5 am does not start my day out on a "beachy" note. No matter when I go to bed, my body rebels against getting up in the dark when I should just be using the bathroom and crawling back under the covers. The shower helps but really only a little bit. I feel like I drive to work on automatic. Don't get me wrong, I love my job; I would just like to do it later in the day and when I want to. Never the less, each weekday finds me at school. I feel like I am fully present at school, just maybe not fully present in my life. I can never remember the little things I have to do for "real life" unless I write them down. I get so involved in "school life" I can barely remember I have another life. I love the picture scroll on my computer because it reminds me that the world awaits and I do have an active role in it.

It feels like being in the ocean during the week. I am underwater so everything is a little muffled. I can only concentrate on staying afloat. Waves continually come and wash over me, forcing me to concentrate on reaching the surface once again. They aren't necessarily bad waves, but they are still forces to be reckoned with and survived. I drive home much like I arrived, on automatic, but certainly more tired from my bout with the sea of school.

I hate to say this but I think I am sort of like seaweed at home during the week, tossed into my chair. I get dinner, but forget to savor the process. I focus on savoring the end product (most times) but really I focus on watching the clock while mindlessly watching TV.....ahhhh, time to go to bed, that glorious finish to the day. As I have gotten older, I know it has gotten worse. But I am not too old to give up the fight. And I fight on....

Blessed are the weekends and the breaks for they allow me to reenter my true life; my family, my home, my pets and yes, even my chores. Although at times it feels as if the weekend is just filled with more things I need to do, I feel as if I am more present in the "to do" lists of laundry, cleaning and cooking. I chose what I get done and who I spend my time with rather than it being determined for me. No matter how chaotic it is on the weekends, it it still my mind's way of clearing the water and allowing me a chance to collect myself on the shore that is my life.

Maybe I will be ready to set sail again on Monday morning....